Yameen's Crap

...The castle may not be a castle..

“At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important if it's happily ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.”
-Meredith Grey from Grey's Anatomy-

I'm currently at the lower end of that quote. Been having too much to do, and also because of my stupidity I have more than too much to handle. I'm supposed to go through everything one by one - academic work, networking, career options, good will, emotional turbulance, self-enjoyment.. One thing at a time. But look at me now. Perasan nak jadi Superwoman. I wish a small kid with a candy bar can run up to me, pointing his finger towards me and repetitively saying, 'Padan Muka, Padan Muka!' I need the sense of humiliation. I need the feeling of embarrasment. I need the slaps on my face. I need the ridicule looks.

Because right now, I can't seem to show them off. Is it necessary to hide all these feelings? Why? For the benefit of others, or for the benefit of my pride? Do I really need to show the world that I'm strong? Do I really need to portray the image of greatness? Do I really need to be highly recognised? Do I really need to show that I can be happy?

Yes. I do.

Because once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.

Surprise me daddy? Surprise me mummy? Come here please?

*Sigh*. I'm tired.

Posted by yameEn on Tuesday, October 30, 2007

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Padi Rocks My Socks

It's been a heavy weekend! Heavy in ALL sense. Seriously.

First, there was Friday. Some stuff happened here and there, and also that night some of us gathered to have a final outing with Fadz - she's going back to Malaysia for good! Note to Fadz, even though we do not exactly hang out as often as BFFs might, your presence here would be terribly missed. I really REALLY can't imagine your absence when the normal 'us' go watch a movie, or go out to dinner like we always do. Wait, I think I can't even imagine the group of us hanging out without you here! You're usually the one who makes the effort in having these small get-togethers. =0( Fadz, keep in touch alright? Gonna miss you loadz babe. XOXO.

Then there was Saturday. Alia and I represented the City Uni Malaysian Society for the UKEC Annual General Meeting which was (obviously) held in the Malaysian Hall. Met most of the MSoc Presidents as well as other representatives from all over UK. I must say, this year's turn up wasn't as grand as last years, but the whole thing was more interesting I guess. We had more presentations than bickering, which I think is a good thing, because that shows that we talk less but produce more right? Just a small note, congratulations to the new committee. As Khai said in his acceptance speech, you guys do have big shoes to fill. Wish you all the best in trying to surpass our expectations.

The first day of the meeting lasted until 6-ish, and I had to rush to Borderline, Tottenham Court Road right after. I was attending my first gig of the year - Pojok Musik Gig organized by the PPI, Persatuan Pelajar Indonesia I think? And guess who was the main event for the night? PADI. Imagine this. I was formally dressed - complete with black slacks and a blazer (because of the AGM), rushing from Queensway to Tottenham Court Road to make it in time to watch an Indonesian band perform in London. How cool is that? Iedil's band - Spoonmen did the opening act, and of course they did a fantastic job. There was this other mat salleh band after Iedil's, but most of us didn't really bother about their performance, we were busy preparing ourselves for Padi anyway, =0P.

Before I tell you how Padi's performance was, let me inform you that I have never been a big fan of Padi because only Sheila on 7 can be the one Indonesian Band in my heart. Furthermore, prior to attending the gig, I had no idea which popular song we usually listen on the radio was performed by Padi. To me, Menanti Sebuah Jawapan, Tercipta Untukku and Ada Apa Denganmu were all from the same band. Ha.Ha.

But lucky me, Padi's performance was superb. Wait, not only superb, but it was FANTABULOUS. The songs combined with the good sound system of the venue together with the hyped up crowd made the whole night a very enjoyable one. The company I had with me also made me just want to sing-along despite not knowing a single word in any of the songs - thanx Aliaa, Amanda, and Rendra. Padi Rocks My Socks. Seriously.

After the gig, Rendra ajak me and Aliaa to Hadi's place for their open house. Jeff, Bijan and Hadi have quite a nice place, and their food was aplenty! The dessert was superb - congratz guys, hehe. But that was not the best part about that night. The best part was of course, the *ehem* gossiping *ehem* session. HAHA! I think I got a bit carried away in the conversation, especially in my tone of voice and volume? But it was definitely a great night out. Thanx for giving me back my laughter. You guys didn't know how much I needed to laugh.

Then Sunday came. Half day was spent at the Malaysian Hall wrapping up the AGM, and the other half spent sleeeeping at home. The rest of Sunday, was for me to just rest my mind, and get everything cleared away. I think I can safely say that I'm goooood now. =0) Thanx for the concerns.

I took a bunch of photos during the gig, but I think you guys can have a sneak peek video. Here's Padi live from London, performing Semua Tak Sama.

"...Semua tak sama, tak pernah sama."

Posted by yameEn on Monday, October 29, 2007

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"Untitled"

Penantian...ketika,kurasakansudahadaruangdihatikuyangkausentuhdanketika,kusadarisudah
takselaluindahcintayangadamungkinmemang,kuyangharusmengertibilakubukanyanginginkaumiliki
salahkahkubilakaulahyangadadihatikuadakahkusinggahdihatimu,mungkinkah
kaurindukanadakuadakahkusedikitdihatimubilakahkumenggangguharimu,mungkinkautakinginka
nadakuakankahkusedikitdihatimubilamemang,kuyangharusmengertimengapacintamutakdapatkum
ilikisalahkahkubilakaulahyangadadihatikukauyangada,dihatikubilacintakitatakkantercipt
akuhanyasekedaringintukmengertiadakahdiriku,ohsinggahdihatimudanbilakahkautau,kauyang
ada,dihatikukauyangada,dihatikuadakahku,dihatimubilamemang,kuyangharusmengertimeng
apacintamutakdapatkumilikisalahkahkubilakaulahyangadadihatikukauyangada,dihatikubilac
intakitatakkanterciptakuhanyasekedaringintukmengertiadakahdiriku,ohsinggahdihatimudan
bilakahkautau,kauyangada,dihatikukauyangada,dihatikuadakahku,dihatimu
...berakhir.

Posted by yameEn on Saturday, October 27, 2007

1 Comments:

what is thiiiiiis? u dah jadi alyaa n farah.. make me find out things fr you blog!

By soraya barakbah, at Sunday, October 28, 2007 1:33:00 PM

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Memories

Yesterday, Hadi brought me to watch the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra perform the 'Best of Broadway', and Oh My God it was superb. I mean of course perfection was expected from them since they are professional players, but I was seriously amazed. The violinists were WOW, the cellist were OH MY GOD, the trombonists were sexy =0P, and the rest of the orchestra was of course INCREDIBLE. I loved every single bit of the show! Throughout the night, my bulu roma 'meremang', my goose bumps appeared constantly, and my heart was just jumping here and there. I guess I wouldn't have enjoyed the show tremendously if the songs they performed were not from the West End shows, but still. The orchestra was superb.

One constant emotion I had sitting in the audience was jealousy. I was so jealous looking at the violinists just swaying and playing every single note with perfect pitching together with impactful dynamics; the crescendos, accelerandos, diminuendos... Oh. My. God. And the cellists! Ya Allah, gempak gila okay! Sedap nak mampos kot! Seriously, I was JEALOUS. I want to be able to play like that, I want to be able to perform like that, I want to be in an orchestra like that.

Well, I was, wasn't I? I guess that jealousy feeling came from the small part of me that missed the KYS orchestra so much. To think that we used to be sooo lazy to layan Ms Judy's kerenah and her Les Miserables T-shirt, soo lazy to 'practise at our own free time', sooo not wanting to be cramped in Music Room 1 when we had our combined practice on the days approaching to the actual performance, sooo malas to ambik violin kat Music Room to bring to the Great Hall malam2, soo malas to angkat and susun kerusi kat Great Hall....

Yes, I miss being in the orchestra. Some of you might already be menyampah listening to me write over and over again about missing the orchestra, but I do. The orchestra has given me thousands and thousands of memories, and I doubt I'll EVER forget them. Never man. Never.

FYI, the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra played a medley from the musical Mamma Mia. Tears formed in my eyes when the song 'The Winner Takes It All' was played. Oh, the memories.

Posted by yameEn on Monday, October 22, 2007

9 Comments:

i missssss...!!! best memory ever for me? breaking the double bass. hahaha..

By soraya barakbah, at Monday, October 22, 2007 4:21:00 PM

me tooooo~~~! the KYSERs shud perform in the Great Hall.. Hahaha.. We ajak la everyone yg still boleh main :)

I'm listening to Centuria.. hahaha

By Wazien Wafa, at Monday, October 22, 2007 5:27:00 PM

me miss too.... n u can never talk about it too much. as far as i'm concern. teddy, ur idea is genius la! maybe like some charity thing.. haha. we practice over a weekend... haha

By syazeleen, at Tuesday, October 23, 2007 5:02:00 PM

i seriously gonna ask miss judy about it. i'm sure most of us still remember how to play songs like centuria and why do fools fall in love. or paling cikai rasa sayang ker. if dapat 6 songs pun jadik la :) cun tak? practice 2 days

By Wazien Wafa, at Tuesday, October 23, 2007 6:39:00 PM

yeap.. practice 2 months n we still make mistakes when we perform.. and thats when we have weekly night classes beforehand... now how ah?.. leen you boleh ahh. hahaha... oh well. i dont mind really.. bassnotes..semibreve. minim. ahaah.. ehh tapi centuria tak. ahha

By soraya barakbah, at Tuesday, October 23, 2007 10:44:00 PM

haha.. it's not about the notes what. but rather a chance to get together. and let ms judy have her chance at tormenting us more than she already has. as long as they can hear some recognizable parts n we can start n finish, then it's ok la.
can also add all the bullshit about demonstrating to the juniors the bond between kysers n how orchestra is beneficial n all that crap.
let's no forget forging bonds between kysers and current ctudent.
hehe. a bit long wided.

n i agree. rasa sayang ke. why do fools ke. the senang2 one la. jgn la main victory or antara anyer!

By syazeleen, at Wednesday, October 24, 2007 12:29:00 PM

nak join la

By Freakwit Freak, at Wednesday, October 24, 2007 2:27:00 PM

so... we have to find a suitable date so that most of us can join. if nk all susah kot unless nk buat 2 years lg la :)

By Wazien Wafa, at Thursday, October 25, 2007 4:38:00 AM

Makk datukk commentss.. fuiyo

By aliasidek, at Friday, October 26, 2007 12:38:00 AM

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Aliaa's Bday

Posted by yameEn on Friday, October 19, 2007

2 Comments:

Hi Yamin!Hehehehe

By Ratih Sulastri, at Friday, October 19, 2007 4:20:00 PM

Eh lupa lupa.Yamin i love your chocolate cakeeee!

By Ratih Sulastri, at Friday, October 19, 2007 4:21:00 PM

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Raya II

Posted by yameEn on Tuesday, October 16, 2007

3 Comments:

take off the last pictuurree. i look like an orange badakkk

By soraya barakbah, at Wednesday, October 17, 2007 4:05:00 PM

waaa... black n white nmpk team this year? ;)

By Wazien Wafa, at Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:51:00 PM

i nk theme but tertype team..hahaha

By Wazien Wafa, at Friday, October 19, 2007 3:02:00 PM

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Raya I

Abu Rizal and me wishing TANIA a Selamat Hari Raya! =0)

Posted by yameEn on Saturday, October 13, 2007

2 Comments:

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Yameen! This year its most memorable for me because of YOU!!! Yes YOU!!! Thanks for everything!!! :) Love lots always.

By aliasidek, at Sunday, October 14, 2007 1:43:00 AM

Hi Yamin...

Happy Beraya!! Funny...Papa (Abg.Aziz), Kak Lina and I punya la nak carik wifi on Raya 2...pusing around and finally jumpa one dekat kedai mamak kat Silibin (Silibin Corner). Free lagih! So..I pun check out la what's the latest on yr blog. Again...maaf zahir batin and take care !!
-Uncle YoY-

By Anonymous, at Sunday, October 14, 2007 10:03:00 AM

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Dear all,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Hope all of you have a great one this year, no matter where you are. I hope your Raya would be enjoyable whether it's with your blood family, or with the family you've come to know just recently. I hope all your pretty pictures taken during this beautiful weekend will make you smile everytime you see them. I hope all of you have fond memories of this year's Raya, either because of the food, the company, or just the festivity of it. I hope all of you have fun.

Let's hope for me too.

Posted by yameEn on Friday, October 12, 2007

1 Comments:

Hai.... meen...

Selamat Hari Raya ... and be good..

Uncle mamak

By Anonymous, at Sunday, October 14, 2007 4:00:00 PM

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A little Announcement

To those of you in Malaysia, keep you eyes glued to the television during Raya.

I may (or may not) be on it, with my ridiculous grin, wishing all of you to enjoy Eid.

The recording people said we MAY be aired a few weeks after the first day of raya, either on RTM1 or TV3.

Just keep checking the TV Guide. If there's a slot for 'Salam Perantauan' or something that sounds like it, go check it out.

Remember, the word 'maybe' is the operative word for this whole post.

Posted by yameEn on Tuesday, October 09, 2007

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Good Fortune

Everything really does happen for a reason.

I've only come to truly understand this, now. Six months after. Losing was a huge disappointment at that time. Being frustrated was the first thing I did after finding out. My smile instantly lost its sparkle, despite the efforts I made to portray an indifferent face. Calling that one person who would listen to my rantings without being judgmental who happens to be at the other side of the world was the first thing I did in my many efforts to 'calm down'. I blamed myself for losing. My stupid approach; which was definitely full with idiocy and foolishness judged by the number of 'You-Idiot' looks I received that night. Even I myself gave me that look. I hated that feeling. Ew.

But now, after six months. Finally I see the real picture. Now that I am in the future of that particular past, I am thankful I did not win. If I have won, I am sure some friendships which I currently plan to treasure forever, would have been destroyed. I am SURE of it. Only now I see that winning that particular battle doesn't really bring that much fame and glory, and losing it brought me a much better outcome.

Thank you God.

But the good fortune is not only for me alone. Mummy also received the same, if not better fortune! Congratulations mummy, we are all proud of you. =0) Yameen tarik balik those small moments when I 'softly' complained about you being busy during my Summer holidays. I know you were busy for a reason. And, you know I love you. =0) Congratulations mummy!!

To those who are going through a rough patch now, be patient. Be strong. No matter what the outcome of your hardship may be, you will survive it. If it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger. And please know that that phrase was said based on my own experience. Whatever you are going through, I am sure I have gone through too. Even if I haven't, someone you know has gone through much worse - and I'm sure s/he has survived and is doing well now, just how I am. This huge bump will descend soon, and it will just be another memory soon enough. Just be patient.

May all of you receive good fortune if not now, soon.

Posted by yameEn on Monday, October 08, 2007

1 Comments:

thank you, seriously

By soraya barakbah, at Tuesday, October 09, 2007 11:35:00 AM

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Emosi

It's funny how one person singing the right lyrics with the right tune can touch that one spot and make you feel all 'emotional' even when you're just sitting emotionless in the library checking your email. Try listening to "Sleeping to Dream" by Jason Mraz; the one sang live at the Eagles Ballroom.

I don't like this 'emotional-sappy' feeling. To make that more exact, I hate emotions. And don't give me that "You-hate-emotions-because-you're-lonely" look. I hate them specifically because emotions just make everything appear more complicated than it actually is. Why feel sad seeing a dead bird on the side of the road - every living thing will have to die sometime. Why feel happy when you get extra money - you can survive without it anyway. Why feel embarrassed if you fall down the stairs - you surely can get up after. Why feel angry - you will forget about it next week and be happy again. Then, why be happy - you'll get back to being sad soon enough.

Emotions complicate things.
It is because you're happy that you become sad.
It is because you're excited that you become angry.
It is because you're hopeful that you become disappointed.
It is because you feel contented that you'll feel empty.

If everyone was emotionless, nobody will ever become sad, angry, disappointed, or lonely because nobody was happy, glad, excited or satisfied in the first place.

But that would make life dull, you say? No it won't! If emotions didn't exist, being dull wouldn't be such a bad thing.

But then, how can something be dull if there's no 'excitement' to compare it to?

See. I told you. Emotions complicate things.

I hate emotions.

I hate you.

Posted by yameEn on Thursday, October 04, 2007

3 Comments:

yameen emo.....

:p
auntie sue

By Anonymous, at Thursday, October 04, 2007 4:56:00 PM

u hate emotions. hating is an emotion. how can you not want it to exist when you're doing just that at the exact same time. ahhaha.. im hungry.. i wonder if that can ever be an emotion?

By soraya barakbah, at Friday, October 05, 2007 6:38:00 PM

Opu, when i posted this i actually expected that comment from you. HAHA.

By yameEn, at Saturday, October 06, 2007 10:37:00 AM

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